Bangladeshi Baby

Well I’m here. Bangladesh. A dizzy, sleep deprived Erica stepped off the plane at 8am Friday morning. Lucky for me, it was one of the two days Shompa has off of work in the week so she was able to meet me at the airport. Sweet Shompa paid the fee to greet me inside the airport even when I told her it was not necessary. When I saw the crazy packed out crowd gathered at the entrance to the airport gate I nearly teared up with thankfulness that my friend was a stubborn Bangladeshi and hadn’t listened to me. (This Bangladeshi girl is more than a friend she is more like a sister and I admire SO many things in her). At that point I knew it would have been impossible to find my friend while dragging my broken suitcase along behind. The wheel stopped rolling somewhere in Switzerland and then the handle broke before I caught the metro in London...so much for my black friday special luggage. The cheapest option when arriving in Dhaka is to walk as far away from the airport as possible before getting a rickshaw or CNG (small green taxi), but since neither of us could hardly carry my sad suitcase, and the crowd was denser than Disney we decided to hail a taxi on the spot. So we drive only about a 15 minute drive from the airport but into a whole new world. A world I slightly remember walking to maybe once or twice in my last stay in Bangladesh, but living in it is something unknown to this spoiled American. We drive past the big concrete roads, the nice foreigner houses that I used to live in and onto a rocky, dusty path filled with rickshaws, a few cars, and A LOT of people. My mind raced back to when my dad came to visit Bangladesh, and he described one of his outings to a rickshaw driver named Shonju’s house. He said it seemed like every corner they turned from one street onto the next was like a different level of poverty. Well Dad...we turned a lot of corners. Shompa lives behind a rickshaw resting place where they take a break from the heat of the day. We pull up to the place where finally the car can not manage to drive on and its time to get out. She owns a room and shares a stove and bathroom with 3 other families. To my pampered American eyes this place looks like the worst of any ghetto, a grimy slum. Not even the poorest people in America live in these conditions. But to my sweet Bangladeshi sister, this place is home, something she has slowly saved up to buy over time, she is proud of her room, her dishes, her pots and pans, and her bed that she fixed with nails and a borrowed hammer.   She is smiling from ear to ear as she shows me her things and where she has made space for me to put mine.  The joy that emulates from this girl brings tears to my eyes. I love Shompa dearly and I am so happy to have her as my Bangladeshi sister and now roommate, but I seriously have no idea how to live in these conditions!  No fridge, no faucet, no toilet or toilet paper, definitely no microwave, no shower, no hot water, and ofcourse no washing machine. I’m like an infant in this world I can not do anything including speak. I am the entertainment/laughing stock of her neighbors but I don’t blame them. Things that they have done their whole life and see as common sense, I have to be taught and shown by example a few times before I get the hang of it. This morning 2 people helped me to boil water for my coffee, and they laughed historically the entire time.  Soon I hear them telling the neighbors the last few Bangla words I attempted and the laughing starts again. Their laugher is catching, I can’t help but laugh too even though I know this means I’m laughing at my own stupidity. This afternoon another lady stood watching as I attempted to wash my camise (shirt), I know I look ridiculous but I seriously was doing my best! Soon there is a crowd of 5 people laughing. The first lady finally couldn’t take my clumsiness any more and took over as the crowd erupts laughing. Well, at least someone is having fun. Who knew washing clothes could provide such entertainment?! Wow, the list of things I do not know is unbelievably long. 

Mr. Atheist. . .

So it has been about a month since writing. And honestly until now i was not sure why i could not bring myself to update this blog. I mean I’ve been traveling all over Europe, seeing amazing sights, eating delicious foods, meeting with friends who i haven’t seen in ages. There should be plenty to write  about right? Well yeah, but in all these travels i’ve had a strange sluggish attitude. My mom noticed it right away when we spoke  one night a few days after I arrived in Spain so around 2 weeks ago. She asked what was wrong...”you don’t seem that excited” she said and I was thinking “yea i’m not excited” what is my problem?? Everything was perfect. Surrounded by friends who love God, in a safe, warm, loving, home with family eating delicious spanish dishes.....i was stumped. I left the question in God’s hands. God, am I doing something wrong? and where are you? why cant i feel you near? I didn’t get an answer. 

This weekend I decided to take another side trip and try this thing i heard about called couch surfing. I decided to go to Porto, Portugal. because it was the nearest country that I havent been to. So i found someone willing to host me in Porto, went to the bus station and found out that actually it was a lot cheaper to go to the capitol city Lisbon, so without having a place to stay....i bought the ticket. This weekend I went to a country where I didn’t know anybody, I was not surrounded by Christians, I didn’t always actually have food when i wanted it, I didn’t actually always feel safe, sometimes I didn’t know where I was and I was alone, most of the weekend I was surrounded by people who who do not believe that God exists, I got less sleep than I’ve had this entire trip yet I feel more energized than ever, closer to God than I have felt in a long time. God's presence was tangible to me in Portugal. The Holy Spirit was speaking clearly prompting me with words to share, and actions to take, I feel refreshed. My host for saturday and sunday was an athiest. I did not  mention to him that I was a Christian until a whole day of sight seeing and conversations had passed and He asked me over bread  and olives..”can i ask you a question”  “what do you believe?” i smiled and thanked God silently for this divine appointment. We had a long conversation about our different believes and he said he wished he was wrong. and also that before me he had never heard someone say that they love God. the next day was sunday and after randomly finding out through facebook that a friend who i hadn’t seen in 10 years (Brandon Rookus) was about 12 minutes away serving with ABWE at an evangelical church, I invited my host to join me. He politely declined in the moment, but I prayed that night that God would invade his heart and low and behold...the next day sitting in babtist church was my host the atheist. he actually  told me the day before that there was only catholic churches in Portugal. He did not accept Christ as his savior but he said his eyes were opened to a world he did not know existed.  Also, the sermon was on faith, which was pretty cool I thought. 

So now I’m on the bus back to Pamplona, I didn’t sleep last night since i was on the train but I still have more energy than ever. I actually teared up a bit while thanking God for the weekend He planned.  And I think...God has proven His point with me once again. He didn’t create me to be comfortable, safe, well fed, well slept, and surrounded by Christian friends all t time. My purpose on earth is not traveling and seeing new places and trying new foods, my purpose is to be near to the broken hearted, to glorify God with how i live and to be a light in the darkness. And for the longest time my light has been shining in already brightly lit places. THAT was why I had been so tired. I was having fun, but I was not fulfilling the purpose that God created me for. My light shines brightest in darkness. Thank you God for the reminder. Perfect timing as I head out to the darkest of places in a few days. I needed that. If you think about it pray for Mr. Portugal :) I have a feeling he will not be Mr. Atheist for long :) 

Switzerland is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. There are views around nearly every corner it seems, that are so majestic you can not help but to stop and simply stand in awe at the perfection God has created. With the rich chocolate, awesome nature, and delicious cheese, the word I have for Switzerland is luxury. Thank you God for allowing me this chance to enjoy more of your creativity!

Identity

I just love Church!! I feel re-energized and ready to serve God all over again! Thank you Jesus! Stockbridge today Tony Tendero spoke about our identity. Its important to remember WHO we are and WHOSE we are: this is the handout he gave us: (basically i wanted it on here so i don't loose it)  

IN CHRIST

I renounce the lie that i am rejected, unloved, dirty or shameful because IN CHRIST I am completely accepted.  God says...

John 1:12 I am God’s child.

John 15:15 I am Christ’s friend.

Romans 5:1 I have been justified.

1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord and I am one spirit with Him. 

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.

Ephesians 1:1 I am a Saint, a holy one

Ephesians 1:5 I have been adopted as God’s child.

Ephesians 2:18 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. 

Colossians 1:14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. 

Colossians 2:10 I am complete in Christ. 

I renounce the lie that I am guilty, unprotected, alone or abandoned because IN CHRIST, I am totally secure. God says....

Romans 8:1-2 I am free forever from condemnation.

Romans 8:28 I am assured that all things work together for good.

Romans 8:31-34 I am free from any condemning charges against me. 

Romans 8:35-39 I cannot be separated from the love of GOd. 

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed and sealed by GOd.

Philippians 1:6 I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected

Philippians 3:20 I am a citezen of heaven. 

Colossians 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God. 

2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 

Hebrews 4:16 I can find grace and mercy to help me in time of need. 

1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me. 

I renounce the lie that I am worthless, inadequate, helpless or hopeless because IN CHRIST i am deeply significant. God says...

Mathew 5:13-14 I am the salt of the earth and the light of the world

John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, Jesus, a channel of His life.

John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed by God to bear fruit.

Acts 1:8 I am a personal, Spirit-empowered witness of Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:16 I am a temple of God. 

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God.

2 Corinthians 6:1 I am God’s co-worker

Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 2:10 I am GOd’s workmanship, created for good works.

Philipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

“I am not the great “I am” of Exodus 3:14; John 8:24, 28,58 “but by the grace of God I am what I am” (Corinthians 15:10) 

Walk by faith...

"Would I believe you when you would say 
Your hand will guide my every way 
Will I receive the words You say 
Every moment of every day 

Well I will walk by faith 
Even when I cannot see 
Well because this broken road 
Prepares Your will for me "

These lyrics from Jeremy Camps song ring in my ear as I read through this old blog. I haven't needed to update this blog in quite some time as I have been living in the states and been able to update most of you in person. Well...times are changing once again! God told me September 13th, 2011 that I would be going to Bangladesh. God doesn't usually speak to me like that..and when I say speak I don't mean audibly. I mean deep in my Spirit a prompting/whisper/conviction that is as clear to me as if it were a voice.  I could probably count the times on my hands where it has been so clear.  I grieved for quite some time. I did NOT want to go back to Bangladesh. It is smelly, dirty, I can't speak the language for the life of me, I don't know anyone except my friend Shompa, I have no job, and I could go on and on, but the biggest downer of all is the spiritual atmosphere...it is dark, heavy, idol worshipping, women abusing, place. So I selfishly cried for myself and all that I would have to give up. It's embarrassing to write this but I cried out of self pity off and on for about two weeks. After a good bit of wallowing, I said ok, Bangladesh it is, what is this life anyways if we live it for ourselves and not for Him? God gave me this life, it is not mine, it is His to do with what He pleases. SO if it pleases Him I will go.  I've had more than a year now to prepare so most of my friends and family know that I'm going. Many ask "what will you be doing?" well... I don't really know. then they ask "well how long will you be there?" that's a great question too. Unfortunately (or maybe for my benefit) I don't really know that either. ALL I know is that God wants me to go. So I am going.  December 13th is the take off date. I do know that God wants me to shine light in a dark place, to be near to the broken hearted, to be Jesus to people who are searching for Him. How that is going to look...i really have no idea. Lucky for me, I don't have to know, all I have to do is walk by faith not by sight. 

wow quotes

The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.-Mother Teresa

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

"Cultural engagement is crucial, but we must remember that authentic engagement is never condescending. It's not 'top down.' It's shared knowing marked by equanimity. In the most intimate of dances, there is no leader and no follower. Instead there is a gracious mutuality, a learned sensitivity to the movement, personality, and mood of the other. If we are truly going to incarnate the gospel in this new world, we as Christ-followers would do well to learn the spiritual rhythms of non-Christians and dance a dance that is, first of all, fully human. As we seek humble engagement instead of power, we will earn the right to draw others into the subtle rhythms of grace." - Sally Morgenthaler

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." - Mother Teresa

Conversations

"Beautiful Forgiven"

Bubbling brook,

Peaceful air,

Nature’s sanctuary.

Breathing deep,

God, I know you are near,

Come meet with me.

My heart approaches heavy,

Lord, I’ve sinned.

I don’t deserve your presence.

But once again,

Your gentle voice in the wind,

Lifts my eyes to the heavens,

And calls me beautiful forgiven.

I’m hear with you now.

My Mercies are new.

Forgiven one,

My Spirit will guide your way,

Simply be still and obey.

Father, I’m watching theses leaves float down all around me,

And my mind wonders

“How many of your children,

Are eternally falling?”

Lord, I want to help bring your lost ones to found,

But God, I’m only one girl whose at a loss as to how.

God, you’ve given me a desire to help the hurting,

But am I too close to comfort for your Spirit to move me?

Its so easy to love it when all my needs are met,

But I fear that my fire,

Becomes spiritually wet.

Calm down my love, put your worries to rest.

Trust in me, for I know what is best.

I’ll tell you when to move,

I’ll guide you when to go,

Listen love, and you’ll reach my lost.

For I am God and I already know.