Release your grip and get ready for a trip!

April 9, 2009


Wow I do not even know where to start. God has really been at work in my life lately. I wish I could tell you this in person because I feel that although there is not a way for me to fully express my experiences to you, at least in person you would be able to see in my eyes and know that what I am telling you is sincerely coming from my heart and has truly moved the deepest part of my soul.

I have been deceiving myself. "the heart is deceitful above all else. Who can know it?" Yes, its true that I have been living an adventure here in Africa. I have gone many cool places, seen amazing things, met a lot of really cool people, but I have not been giving my all for Christ. Yes, I've been reading my Bible, sometimes not, but mostly because I know that this is "the right thing to do" and I do long for a deeper relationship with Christ. However, breaking my life down into the small choices that I have been making everyday - I was considering myself first - my flesh was winning many choices that arose.

This Monday God graciously drew me back to Himself. I was reading my usual Bible chapter for the day, not going too deep and feeling distant. My prayer was this "God, where am I?" What is going on with us?" I was not doubting that He was with me. What I was doubting was myself and for good reason. His reply was simple "You know what you have to do before I can walk with you." And He was right - deep down I knew. I had two specific sins come to mind that I had been trying to forget about and sweep under the rug before I had even come to Botswana. I cried out to God, asking forgiveness and declaring in my heart to take care of whatever I needed to in order that I could walk closely with my Savior once again. My prayer was this. "God, I'm so sick of this life without you at the center! I can't do it! It's meaningless. But at the same time I feel I don't have the courage to do it with you. Please take over! Be with me!"


Okay now let me back up and give some history on this. Last summer God guided me to the Nashes. I saw Christ moving in their lives and was drawn to that. One day while I was at their house, Jaren, 6 years old at the time took my hand and said "Erica, I want you to come to Bangladesh with us." Aaaw that is so sweet I thought to myself as I quietly dismissed the thought, I was excited for the ministry their family would have, but had not really considered going myself. My mind quickly scanned for the best excuse and landed on the easiest "Oh, I would love to Jaren, and if I had the money I would."
"OH! I have money!" she exclaimed, face beaming, as she dropped my hand and ran upstairs to her room. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that she returned with her piggy bank! She poured it out, put it in a zip lock bag and proudly handed it to me. "THERE! Now you can come!" I was at a loss. I looked at Jesse, who had seen the whole thing take place, to help me out, but he totally took her side or was it God's side? All he said was "now, how can you not pray about coming with us after that?"

SO I did. Kind of quickly said the words that night, but didn't linger on the issue if you know what I mean. The next Sunday was my birthday celebration. I got to choose my birthday dinner (KFC), and my fam got me some really sweet presents including an IPOD! Any normal person would be ecstatic at this, but as soon as the family started cleaning up and I could get to my room , I balled. Not that I didn't want the IPOD, I did. I had actually asked for it, and most people at work had one. BUT I knew that this comfortable, cushy life with every need met and all of my desires satisfied nearly instantaneously was not what God had called me to. I knelt down by my bed and told God, what I was feeling, I felt lead to confess sins (sound familiar?) I then asked God "what now?" the reply "Go to Bangladesh." my reply "WHAT?" His reply "Go to Bangladesh" then I balled my eyes out. A few nights later during prayer I told God of my deep desire to rely on Him for my needs. "Then go to Bangladesh." A few nights later - the same thing "then go to Bangladesh" This time instead of replying with a head of doubts I said "OKAY I'll go! When?" His reply was a picture of the words "now" and "1 year" floating together. It didn't really explain anything to me but upon telling Dad about the picture he explained what it sounded like to him "prepare now to go in 1 year." As soon as he spoke those words my spirit knew he was right. I did that semester with Bangladesh in my mind. The opportunity to go to Botswana for my internship came the day after God told me to go to Bangladesh.

Back to the present days here in Botswana. The best way for me to get a visa for Bangladesh would be to go to the Bangladeshi Consulate in person, and since we don't have one in Botswana I would need to go to South Africa. I don't have a car, and it is dangerous to go by yourself on a bus or combi, and my roommate did not want to drive sooo I just said "God if you want me there work it out." Friday the 3rd I found out that one of the guys I work with was going to South Africa on Wednesday and was willing to bring me to the Bangladeshi Consulate. Over the weekend I got everything I thought I needed for my application for visa. Wednesday I traveled to South Africa with two amazing people of God. I went to the Bangladeshi Consulate, I did not have 2 out the 5 things I needed for my visa or the 1180Rand I needed for the processing fee. The man from work and the woman I had just met on this trip( her middle name is Faith) forked out all the Rand (south African dollars) they had and it was just enough to pay my fee! (they had about penny left!). It usually takes 5 days to process a visa, but I needed mine the same day so that I could travel back into Botswana with my passport. Everyone traveling with me said it was a miracle that:

I GOT MY VISA!!!!!!
(this is Mostabisa (sp?) who issued my visa) I was so excited and tellling him how he blessed my life he couldn't refuse when I asked for a picture. I look a little more happy about this than he :)

I am going to Bangladesh at the end of July. Why? Because God wants me there. For what? I'll find out when I get there - something to do with the poorest of poor people. For how long? Until God wants me to leave.

The church I attended tonight had a guest speaker and choir. I did not know this until I got there, but the speaker was from India and the choir's song was in Bengali!

I pleaded with God to take over my life on Monday. He hasn't stopped blessing me since.

That was a long story but the important thing is this. God refocused my eyes on Him. Everything is clear once again. It is only in His will that we are free. My life is not about taking care of myself, my life is meant to be a delight for my Jesus. I want to give everything I can to Him who gave everything to me on the cross. Life is so much more full when you are not living it for yourself! When you surrender all and die to yourself that is when God multiplies. John 12:24 "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." Release your grip on your life, and get ready for the trip God will bring you on!